Finding Solace and Healing: The Power of WhoWeLost.org for Those Grieving the Losses Caused by Covid-19
Four years ago, Jody Settle and his partner, Ed Koenig, shared a quiet and somber St. Patrick’s Day dinner together at an almost empty Irish pub in New York City. Little did they know that it would be their last meal as a couple, as Jody succumbed to Covid-19 33 days later, on April 19, 2020. He was one of the nearly 1.2 million people in the United States who have lost their lives to this global health crisis.
As Ed visited Jody in the hospital for the last time, they listened to Willie Nelson’s rendition of “Always On My Mind.” The peaceful expression on Jody’s face remained etched in Ed’s memory as he kissed his partner’s forehead, protected by protective gear.
One year ago, the World Health Organization declared an end to Covid-19 as a global public health emergency. In the United States, the public health emergency expired just a few days after this announcement, and society began moving on from the pandemic. However, for millions of grieving individuals like Ed, the impact of Covid-19-related loss lingers.
To honor Jody and process his grief, Ed wrote about their shared memories on WhoWeLost.org, a digital platform dedicated to memorializing loved ones lost during the pandemic. Launched in 2020, this nonprofit Website is home to thousands of published and yet-to-be-published stories from individuals across the country. It provides a comment-free environment where those still grieving can share their losses without judgment, internet trolls, or negative social media conversations surrounding the virus.
Martha Greenwald, a poet and former English professor from New Jersey, founded The WhoWeLost Project in 2020 to offer bereaved Kentuckians writing prompts and guidance for sharing their stories. Inspired by the state’s public health commissioner, she expanded the Website nationally after receiving widespread recognition from an NPR affiliate story.
Greenwald shares her belief that The WhoWeLost Project is crucial because “less people are paying attention” to the ongoing impact of Covid-19. Research indicates that grieving relatives of Covid-19 victims experience higher rates of prolonged grief disorder, affecting between 7% and 10% of adults and 5% to 10% of children. In a 2023 study, researchers in the United Kingdom found that individuals were more than three times as likely to exhibit prolonged grief disorder symptoms 13 months after losing a loved one during the pandemic compared to pre-pandemic times.
Greenwald describes the writers on WhoWeLost.org as carrying “a lingering sense that their loved ones and their own grief were never allowed to exist,” resulting in repressed emotions that simmer under the surface. For those whose loved ones died early on during the pandemic, there were no funerals or opportunities to share stories and memories publicly. WhoWeLost.org offers a space for these individuals to write about their loved ones’ lives, creating a sacred memorial that might have been lost otherwise.
Wiandy Santiago, a resident of New York City, shares the impact of Covid-19 on her family. In April 2020, her brother Wilmard Santiago died from the virus just a week after being placed on a ventilator. Due to restrictions limiting funeral attendees to ten individuals standing six feet apart, Wiandy and her family were unable to hold a service for Wilmard until two months after his death. She describes the grief she experienced as “a complicated grief” that has lingered due to not being able to mourn in person with her family.
Santiago’s stepson, Alberto Locascio, died of the virus in September 2021, a week before his 40th birthday. She has turned to WhoWeLost.org as a source of solace and healing, writing poignant stories about Wilmard’s love for photography and the Yankees, and Locascio’s kind and gentle nature that made him a protector within their family.
Greenwald agrees with Santiago that healing comes from writing and releasing emotions. As a special adviser for Rituals in the Making, a research project by the anthropology department at George Washington University, she has examined how those in mourning adapt when their normal rituals are interrupted.
Sarah Wagner, a principal investigator on Rituals in the Making, explains that rituals help the surviving family and friends to feel that loss is recognized. When these opportunities are denied, mourning can intensify and stretch on indefinitely.
Before discovering WhoWeLost.org, Koenig turned to social media for support from others grieving Covid-19-related losses. However, he often encountered problematic interactions, including individuals denying the existence of Covid-19 and even hurling offensive comments toward the LGBTQ+ community.
WhoWeLost.org offers a respite from such toxic contact interactions, providing a place where those coping with prolonged grief can share their experiences without fear of judgment or negativity. Greenwald believes that the site’s impact is more critical now as society moves on from the pandemic and fewer individuals are paying attention to its ongoing impact.
In conclusion, WhoWeLost.org serves as a vital digital space for those grieving the loss of loved ones due to Covid-19. By offering a comment-free environment and providing writing prompts, this nonprofit Website allows individuals to memorialize their loved ones on their own terms while creating a sacred space for sharing memories that may have otherwise been lost.
